


Will You Love Me? I'm So Sure That You Won't

by BouncyBrittonie



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Character, Asexual Eggsy, Asexual in a relationship with a sexual, Asexuality, Coming Out, Gentleman Harry Hart, Harry Hart Lives, M/M, Post V-Day, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-30 14:00:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5166446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BouncyBrittonie/pseuds/BouncyBrittonie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things have changed between Eggsy Unwin and Harry Hart, after Harry's recovery after V-Day. It's finally come to a crest.</p><p>Eggsy only discovered a few years ago, exactly why he felt so different to everyone else. But if he see himself as anything but broken, then how could he expect the love of his life to stay?</p><p>Asexual!Eggsy fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Will You Love Me? I'm So Sure That You Won't

**Author's Note:**

> Now, before anybody reads this, I am asexual. This is how I experienced dealing with my asexuality during the years that I thought I was broken. I am happily married to my husband, who is sexual, but I have never felt more comfortable with who I am right now. I no longer see my asexuality as a burden on my spouse, and I hope if people are in the same boat, then I hope you loose that thought soon too!
> 
> I was always afraid of writing about asexuality, because I don't know many asexual people, and I know that my experiences probably differ from everyone elses. But this fic was more of a self healing, and my husband isn't a very good speaker, but I imagine Harry's lines are some of the things that he would say to me, if he could.
> 
> I imagine Eggsy as someone like me, Asexual, but not sex repulsed. Still with urges that need to be dealt with when stimuli and friction and hormones come into play. I'd imagine Harry would help Eggsy out with these things if he asked. I don't get sexually aroused, I can just tell when my body once a month is going OKAY YOU NEED TO WIPE ONE OUT and three minutes on a high powered vibrator and its done and the feeling of needing to pee has gone. 
> 
> This has been non beta-ed, so forgive me.
> 
> ANYWAY. Thank you for reading! and I'm always up for a chat on my [Tumblr!](http://bouncybrittonie.tumblr.com/)

He had told his Mum, on one good night, when Dean had disappeared over the weekend on a fishing trip with his mates. He sat with her, and two cups of tea, with Daisy bouncing on his knee, and had poured out his soul. He had told her all about his conquests, his mates, and the nagging feeling that sat at the back of his head, that he didn't FEEL like anybody else, that he felt different, and he wasn't sure if he was right.

Michelle wrinkled her nose at the thought of her son sleeping with half of the women in London, but she listened intently, taking her little daughter from Gary's hands when the telling got too much for him. She listened, and she kept her mouth shut, like she thought she should, and quashed any of the uneasy feelings that bubbled up in her throat. This was her son, and as much shit as he spoke to others, she knew the thought of talking trash to her would never cross his mind.

'But darling, sex is SUPPOSED to feel good, maybe you just haven't found the right girl yet? ... Or man? Maybe that is it?'

'But Mum! I'm not into blokes, I'm not into chicks, I'm just... Not into anything. Is that right Mum? Is that normal? I don't feel normal.'

'Well, what do you think when you see a nice pretty girl? What about them with their clothes off? Surely you must have liked these girls that you've slept with?'

'It's like... I see a girl, with this good body and silky hair and bronzed skin and it's like... They're right fit, yeah? Like they LOOK like they're smoking. I'm supposed to like that right? But I want to stay around them because their laugh is really cute or they talk really interesting, I love girls that are a real riot. And they want to jump into bed, and like, a proper bloke puts out for his lady, you know? So I just... do. And eventually he gets up, because like with enough petting the body just does what it wants. And the ladies like it when it isn't over in two minutes.'

Michelle couldn't help but cock her head in agreement.

'And eventually, it's over. And I just do what I think they will like. I'm pretty good at reading people, it helps. I'm quite a good actor when I need to be.'

Daisy had long since been put down, and Michelle was sitting deep into her chair, phone between her hands as Eggsy once again boiled the kettle for more tea. Her thumbs paused over the screen after she clicked into Safari.

my son doesn't want to have sex - no, that didn't sound right  
my son doesn't like sex - no no no  
my husband doesn't want to have sex - no, nothing but things about how to turn on your man  
i don't like sex - god can restore your sexual desire for your husband? Ha.

She watched as Eggsy filled her mug with three quarters water, and just a dash of milk, and a single spoonful of sugar, squeezing the tea out of the tea bag with a spoon and the wrapped around string, just how she liked it, and she decided that she had to try harder. For her son.

what is it called when I don't find anyone sexually attractive?

"Hey Eggsy, look at this."

The Asexual Visibility and Education Network ...

Eggsy gently placed the tea filled mug onto the cork mat on the table, before leaning over his mother's shoulder.

"'Asexuals may regard other people as aesthetically attractive without feeling sexual attraction to them. Some asexual people also experience the desire of being affectionate to other people without it being sexual. If you do not experience sexual attraction, you might identify as asexual.' How about that? Does that sound like something you feel like, darlin?"

Eggsy hummed to himself, while sitting in his own chair, wrapping his hands around his own mug for comfort, his voice was just above a whisper. "... I feel like a freak."

"Gary Unwin, you are not a freak. You are nothing of the sort!" She waved her phone in the air, "If there is this whole big website then obviously there are people who need it, and if there are people who need it then there are more people like you! Just because I haven't met one before, doesn't mean they aren't there!" She scrolled through more of the website. "They've got a place where you can talk to people and everything. Look darlin, I don't know why you feel this way, but I know it doesn't change who you are to me, you're the same loving boy that I knew before all this talk."

She took the cup of tea from Eggsy's shaking hands, and took them in her own.

"Look at me Gary."

It took a moment, but shining eyes met hers, and she smiled.

"You don't have to put out for any dame or bloke that wants it from you. And if they just force the issue then they aren't the type of people worth any of your time, love. If you don't want to have sex then you don't have to." She released one hand and tapped at her phone, and Eggsy's phone rang out in his pocket. "Maybe you can speak to some people on this site, yeah? Might help you figure out whatever it is your feeling."

Her voice took a serious tone, lowering, in case anyone else was listening, a force of habit.

"Just don't let Dean know, yeah? Promise me? He latches on to anything that is different and I don't want to give him bullets for his gun, yeah? Please?"

Eggsy's jaw clenched, and he nodded furiously.

"One day soon yeah, things will be better and we will be happy. Just hold on, darling? I love you."

"I love you too Mum.

\-----------------------------------------------------

"Yeah Mum, I'm all good, just got home yeah, just havin a drink... Hard mission, Siberia, England's got nuffin on that cold. Yeah, I’ll check out my calender and see if we can do dinner on Sunday night... I'll pass it onto Rox- No of course she won't mind, she loves seeing Daisy!-I'll ask Harry too. How's Daisy liking her new room? I'm glad she likes the pink! Look yeah I've gotta go-yes Mum, love you too, kisses to Daise. Bye."

Eggsy slipped the phone into his pocket while shedding the suit jacket and tossing it onto Harry's couch.

Harry, still as threatening as ever even with one eye, arched his other eyebrow and cleared his throat, and Eggsy sighed, before slowly and with greatly exaggerated movements, hung it on the rack beside the door.

He gestured dramatically at the perfectly put away coat, and Harry slow clapped.

"You should see how I put away my socks."

"With great ease, and unmatched, I presume?"

Eggsy collapsed onto the couch, tugging his tie loose upon his neck. "Don't knock it till you try it bruv, its a satisfying bit of rebellion wearing mismatched socks. Being a bad boy with no one knowin!"

"I bet it is." Harry handed him a few fingers of whiskey in a heavy bottomed tumbler, a smile gracing his lips that Eggsy could only describe as just short of seductive.

Heat grew in the pit of the younger man's stomach, and he realised the implications of his comment. His cheeks flushed and he turned his head to the side, making a show of taking off his glasses, and downing the whiskey in a single shot.

Harry sat himself down in his high backed leather chair. His own jacket taken off upon arrival, cuffs rolled up to the crook of his elbows, glasses discarded, tie gone, hair out of his usual splendour, and he looked at Eggsy, really looked at him, and Eggsy wanted nothing more than to press himself into Harry's arms.

It was two in the morning, the street outside was deserted, and the house was silent and the lights were dim, and Eggsy looked back at Harry and let the heat of the stare and the alcohol just spread over his body. And they stayed like that, for a while, just drinking each other in.

"I feel... I feel like something has changed, between you and I."

Harry broke the silence, only softly, gently, without pressure, and Eggsy found the words bubbling up on his tongue.

"It has. I guess. Before Valentine, before all that time I thought you were dead, I was just in awe, 'arry. Like this posh bloke who shouldn't even be seen in the same room as me, he just swans in like the god damn Prince Charming and gives me a reason to live my life right. And he's right ol fit and everything-"

Harry smiles warmly and let's Eggsy continue.

"- and he can take down a room full of blokes with fucking umbrella and that does something to your heart, I can tell you. And I work hard as I can yeah, and he's so proud, I can feel it in the way he looks at me, and then it all comes down to thinking I'm killin this THING that I had come to raise like me own, and love, and its fucking innocent, and I can't do it. But that’s me I guess, the reason I got caught in the first place was because I couldn't stand to run over a fucking cat in the road."

Something in Harry's eye looks like shame, but not against Eggsy, but of himself, but he tightens his hands on the arms of his chair and lets the younger man continue.

"And I just couldn't do it. Because what good would that do? WHY do I have to do it? When it's our job to protect what's innocent, ain’t it? And that makes me angry, and I don't want to go back to him but at the same time he might be the only person that understands. And then I finally do get to him, and he's so angry, bruv, and I can't stand it because I've ruined it, and I thought I did what was right and I'm a fucking pussy and he picked me because he thought I had it in me and I go and ruin it."

Harry is digging his nails into the soft leather, and it will leave marks but he doesn't care, he opens his mouth and his voice breaks before the words can leave his tongue.

"Eggsy-"

"Come on Harry, you've done well mate, you can keep quiet a little longer."

And Harry's mouth snaps shut.

"And I'm just filled with guilt, yeah, and because I LOVE this bloke so much and I've gone and ruined it, and he DIES because he went off on his own, cause I made him angry and he doesn't fucking wait, and I watch as he gets shot in the head and I'm sitting right there screaming for help when no one can hear me because I've lost him."

Eggsy is still holding the tumbler, warm from his grasp, and he can feel the glass brush against his skin as he drags his arm across his eyes to stop the mirth building.

"And then he comes back. A John Doe in some back water hospital with an eye patch like a Bond villain and I just SHOULD have guessed it mate because you never ever believe someone is gone without seeing their body but fuck me we were flying back from V Day and I'd just rampaged a villains hide out and killed everything in sight with all this anger about what I had done that when I reach you I'm just so tired Harry. And then I'm made Kingsmen and all of a sudden we're on the same field yeah, and you're looking at me with that same look but now it's something else. Like this wall has gone down and I'm not this worthless kid you brought in any more, but a MAN, and I feel so worthy of you Harry. And I think maybe you could feel like that with me too. And I want so much to be in your arms and kiss you and share your life and fight along side you, and I want so much to want you and be in your bed but you'd never want me if... you would never stay with me if you found out what a freak I was and-"

Harry moves quickly, and the tumbler that falls from Eggsy's hands is placed upon the lounge side table, and then he is at the younger man's side in an instant, taking trembling hands within his own and urging his grip to be strong enough for the both of them.

"Eggsy. You are so worthy of me. In so many ways. I just wish I was worthy of you." He looked the blonde straight in the eyes, squeezing his clasped hands and pressing a slow kiss to the soft skin of his fingers. "You are a marvellous man. Brave and true and just wanting to protect those you love. And my GOD, the goodness in you. It's just so pure and I feel as though if I would touch you then I would wreck you."

Eggsy felt the laughter bubble up in his throat at the thought, almost hysterical, and Harry strokes his face, knuckles barely brushing against heated cheeks.

"I'm old and a complete wreck, Eggsy. I've got one eye and body full of scars. Certainly far less than what you deserve. You're at the prime of your life and should have someone that won't be an old man when you reach fifty."

A tear slipped down Eggsy's cheek as he tried to speak. "Harr-"

"Garry. You can keep quiet for a little longer, my darling. I'm not finished yet." Harry smiled, shyly, if that was even possible for the well kept man. "But I'm old, Eggsy, yes, and I may act like a gentleman but I'm selfish. And I want your love so very much that it drives me insane. To send you off for missions, knowing that maybe I will never see your smile or hear your voice again. To be left with regret instead of the scent of you on my sheets, or the memory of your touch, or the taste of your kiss."

Eggsy sobbed, hands slipped down to grasp at the front of Harry's shirt, fingers tangling in the fine cotton, torn between pulling him forward and pushing him away.

"Please. Don't. You don't understand. You'll hate me."

"There is nothing I could hate you for Eggsy. I could only hate myself for never taking the chance to tell you." Harry pressed forward, sliding a palm carefully around the back of Eggsy's neck, almost reverently, a broad thumb stroking the soft skin he found there. "Please allow me to forget my gentlemanly graces and kiss you. Please." The last word was almost a murmur, a rumble coming from deep down in Harry's chest and it made his throat ache.

Eggsy felt the love bloom in his chest, his lips parting in a sigh, his heart beat in his throat. His mind said no, but it was fading until the ache in his chest screamed out 'Yes! Do it! It will be okay!'

"Oh yes."

Before Harry could act, Eggsy leapt forward, crushing their lips together in a searing kiss.

And Eggsy's body seemed to explode with feeling. A burning heat just spread over his body and he felt like he was drowning in Harry's scent. It felt like he was blanketed with love and when he felt strong hands urging Eggsy to straddle his lap, he relished the chance to press his body against the older man's, to simply get closer.

Harry's hands curled around his hips, drawing him flush against the older man's body and felt the hum of delight vibrate in his chest. Eggsy slipped his palms into the open neck of Harry's shirt, relishing the feel of warm comforting skin of the man he loved.

A roll of his hips and Eggsy could feel the hardness of Harry's arousal, burning hot like a brand against the soft cotton of his trousers, and the anxiety flared up in the back of his mind. He loved the feel of it, the thought that such a fire could be sparked just by him, but he hated where it lead. He wanted to want Harry but he couldn't, he loved Harry so much but he couldn't, he just couldn't, it wasn't fair, it wasn't-

"Ha-Harry-"

Eggsy almost fell off of Harry's lap when hot lips and five o’clock shadow brushed over the sensitive skin of his neck, pleasure rolling down his spine.

"Harry- No-"

The reaction was instantaneous. The older man stopped immediately. Pulling back and holding Eggsy steady on his lap with one strong hand, while the other went to cup the younger man's cheek. Harry's cheeks were flushed, and his good eye searched Eggsy's, searching for what he did wrong.

"I'm-I'm sorry, Eggsy. I took too much. Please forgive my boldness-"

"No! No, that’s not it bruv-"

"We can stop-"

Eggsy pressed his forehead to Harry's, his heart aching in his chest, his lips parted as he tried desperately to recover air. His whole body burned with love and it was simply overwhelming. He wanted to loose himself in Harry's arms, to press himself to Harry's bare skin and just revel in the comfort of it.

"You've got to understand something 'arry. It's not you, it's me."

He would have done anything to take back the words as soon as they left his mouth. Harry clenched his jaw, gently pushing Eggsy back before smoothing out the material of the younger's shirt and straightening out the collar. His voice wavering. "If I have mistaken your feelings then I do humbly apologise-"

"NO! Nonononono-" Eggsy pressed forward, running his hands over the older man's shoulders and chest almost feverishly, desperately, bringing scarred hands up to his face and pressing kisses to the skin he found there, mimicking Harry's actions on him. "I love you I love you no no no, you're perfect, I want your love so much its like I'm burnin', 'arry no, I wanna to spend my days with you please, you just don't know- don't understand-"

"Then MAKE me understand, darling." Harry gave a smile that made Eggsy's knees go weak, the kindness and the love and the sincerity reaching his eye and soothing hands caressed Eggsy's cheeks and oh, he felt as safe as could be.

"I'm... I'm... A-"

Eggsy almost jumped when he felt the mad vibrations and blaring ring tone of Harry's phone in his pocket, and the withered stare that Harry gave him at the interruption could curdle milk. He pressed a kiss to Eggsy's forehead, leaving a dusky rose settled on his new found love's cheeks before answering.

"WHAT is it, Merlin? It's two in the morning and I'm still feeling the cold in my bones."

"Home turf this time. Hostages taken at a Charity Event in Birmingham. Threatened to blow the building sky high. I'll give you details on the way. Wake Eggsy. He's with you, isn't he? No answer at his flat."

"Yes, he's with me." The deep rumble of Harry's voice, laced with such an undercurrent of possession that Eggsy could feel his insides start to melt. "We're on our way."

Something akin to a giggle bubbled up in Eggsy's chest as Harry threw the phone onto the other chair in a fit of annoyance before taking the blonde's chin between strong fingers, encouraging him to meet his eye.

"We are not done, love. I promise you we will talk this through, but unfortunately, England is a cruel mistress."

Eggsy smiled sadly into the sweet kiss that Harry pressed to his lips, before all the courage he held in his chest seemed to evaporate like steam.

"Okay."

\-----------------------------------------------------

In the end, nothing is as straight forward as it seems. The ring leader was a cunning woman, well versed in martial arts and more than a match for Eggsy and Roxy, who excelled in hand to hand combat. The woman was very tall, and very broad, a hundred percent muscle and wasn't afraid to show it. With eyes as cold as steel and slicked back blonde hair, she wasn't afraid to fight hard, and very dirty. She knew that she had lost, and wasn't going down without taking everyone around her out as well.

A Kingsmen sat up high in the rafters, sniping henchman after henchman but wasn't able to even come close to touching the beast of fire and fury in the middle without endangering his fellow Kingsmen's lives.

The hostages were easy to retrieve though, and although terrified and shaken, they followed instructions to the letter, and Harry worked quickly to disable the intricate timers and messes of wire that were strapped to their bodies.

When Roxy screamed out, Eggsy's blood ran cold, and he scrambled to regain his footing after the last blow. He watched as the great hulking woman seized his partner by the arms, squeezing hard and lifting her off the ground before spinning her around like the hammer-throw and sent her flying into a display table. Glass and wood splintered everywhere, and Eggsy saw red.

He charged, all his energy directed to take the woman down, but he was no match for her. She caught him around the shoulders, before picking him as if he weighed nothing, and slammed him into the ground.

Eggsy saw stars, the breath stolen from his lungs, tasting copper on his tongue as blood poured from his nose. His cheek burnt against the course grain of the museum carpet, his Kingsmen issue spectacles cracking under the force of the blow, and he choked on his breath feebly, before he screamed anew at the weight he felt on his ribs and spine.

With no one to stop her, she held him down to the ground with one step, a hard and heavy combat boot pressed into his back. She leaned forward and stepped harder, deep and mocking laughter chilling Eggsy to the core.

And then, while the young Kingsmen was immobile, she took the empty assault rifle from its place strapped to her back, and slammed the butt stock of the gun right into Eggsy's spine and pressed hard.

It hurt.

It hurt so badly that he thought he could feel his ribs splintering like glass, pain shooting through his chest and down his legs from the twin points against his skin. The nerves in his back sung, white hot pain between his shoulder blades and his brain went static. Eggsy could tell that he was screaming, for his throat felt raw and his nails scrambled for purchase on the carpet but he couldn't drag himself away.

He couldn't breathe, he couldn't get air into his lungs, every pant let the hulking woman above him press harder, and Eggsy couldn't concentrate, couldn't clear away the stars that spread over his vision. She road his thrashes and bucks with ease, intent on giving him only pain. The blood roared in Eggsy’s ears and he could barely hear the gunshot that ricocheted around the room.

“YOU GOVERNMENT SPIES. YOU WILL NOT TAKE ME DOWN.”

Suddenly, all the pressure was gone, and Eggsy filled his lungs to bursting with sweet air, but it was short lived, and a steel like grip took him by the back of the throat and a fistful of his suit, heaving him up into the air, like a human shield.

“YOU WILL NOT TAKE DOWN YOUR OWN.”

She clamped down harder, and he could barely breathe through the pain, bloody fingernails clawing against the fingers deep in his throat. The only weapons he had left. He could feel his face drain of all colour.

“YOU WILL ALL BOW TO ME-”

Warmth splashed against blonde hair and once again, Eggsy became well acquainted with the carpeted floor.

It took him a moment, and he felt like the rest of his strength was about to leave him, but Eggsy managed to struggle up from the ground. His ribs sparked in protest, and he could feel the fingerprints still in his throat, but what he saw behind him made him grin like an idiot.

Roxy, propping her weapon hand up against the broken side of the display case with the firm grip from her good arm. Blood dripping down her face and glass chips stuck in her hair. Smoking gun in her hand and a triumphant look on her face. She looked to Eggsy like some beaten up Angel of Mercy.

And there in front of them was their villain, with a clean bullet hole right through her temple.

“Thanks Rox.”

“I really think I need a drink now, Eggsy. And some bandages. And certainly a pair of tweezers."

"Medical is on it's way, Galahad. You'll both be alright."

Eggsy let out a short laugh, sounding more like a cough than anything else and let himself fall back to the ground, legs askew, letting the ache around his middle guide his movements, and the pure exhaustion sink into his bones.

"Rox-!....-gsy... Eggsy!"

The last blessed sight that Eggsy could remember was Harry's worried, blurred face through his shattered glasses, and he sighed himself into unconsciousness with a cool hand against his forehead.

\-----------------------------------------------------

"Why does this always end with one of us in an infirmary bed?"

At first, Eggsy thought that his eyes must have been bandaged but then he rubbed the stickiness away and realised it was night. The lights were dim, and Eggsy struggled to hear Harry's soothing voice over the cotton wool that seemed to fill his ears. He blinked rapidly to clear his vision, before testing his limbs, gritting his teeth at the feel of the I.V trailing from his wrist. His bed was more reclining than laying down, and he could turn his head easily to watch Harry beside him.

"But they're so comfy mate, shit, n' white does wonders for my skin tone."

Harry seemed to have set up shop by Eggsy's bed side. He had commandeered his hospital table, paperwork in a neat stack but the newspapers not so much. His favourite cup and saucer sat beside a closed laptop, and a dog eared copy of The Big Sleep by Raymond Chandler rested on the covers at Eggsy's feet.

The bed next to Eggsy looked slept in, with messed covers and an unfamiliar pillow atop the hospital issue, and a throw that he recognised from Harry's living room. 

Harry was dressed in sleeping pants, an unbuttoned shirt and his lush red dressing gown, the one that only appeared when the older man needed comfort. The one that Eggsy secretly wished he could wrap himself in along with its owner and make him feel steady. His face looked like it had finally relaxed, his hair freshly washed and looking achingly soft. His eyes were closed, that's until they weren't, and Eggsy realised something was missing.

"Harry." Eggsy's throat ached. "Your eye patch-" 

Eggsy whined and reached out his hand to try and stop Harry as he turned his face to look at the floor.

"I apologise if the sight upsets you, the patch does get uncomfortable after long periods of time, and a gentleman does not do to have elastic marks down his face."

"No, mate, no." Eggsy ignored the protesting of his ribs and rolled onto his side, laying a shaking hand on the material covering Harry's arm. "I just never seen you without it before 'Arry, don't hide."

Harry considered this for a moment, and Eggsy could see the corners of his lips turn up in a smile that only could be born from sadness. He then turned his face so Eggsy could take a long look at him.

The delicate skin around Harry's damaged eye was scarred, thick angry deep lines connected by trails of white like spider webs. Just like someone had taken the side of his face and shattered it like a piece of glass, before glueing it back together again. His eye was half open, all that was within it was white.

It wasn't beautiful, even if the scars themselves seemed to be controlled by Harry's great need for aesthetics, Eggsy could never consider something that had caused his love so much pain to be beautiful. But it reminded Eggsy of something else, like the marble statues of old gods and generals that he used to see in museums when he was a kid, cracked and damaged with the flow of time. 

Eggsy's hand tightened on his arm in a deliberate grip, and Harry understood.

"Does the light hurt it? I mean, are you okay? S'not that dark in here."

Harry chuckled and slid the hand on his arm down to take it with his own. "I'm perfectly fine, love, it's not too bright." Strong fingers interlocked with his own and Eggsy felt so much more grounded.

"Is Roxy okay?"

"Her weapon arm was fractured but not too badly, although there was glass stuck in some uncomfortable and awkward places. I'm afraid our dear Miss was more embarrassed than injured in this case, considering the fact that someone decided to play shot put with her small frame."

"Made of solid rock that girl."

"You, on the other hand, have some cracked ribs, some nice hand prints around your neck and great bruises on your back. We were worried about damage to your spinal cord. We are lucky that Miss Roxanne was able to take action."

"I felt really useless, Harry, like I had let that beast get the best of me." Eggsy rolled onto his back to ease the ache in his ribs, and could really feel the points of hurt that Harry so easily described. He felt his own hand being squeezed in comfort.

"You were already bested in strength and size. It happens to all good Kingsmen Sometimes there are things out there that we can't handle. Roxanne was taken down, so you lost your backup. From what was described, you were loosing oxygen to your brain. There was nothing that you could have done even if you wanted to, my boy."

The younger man just laid back and closed his eyes, letting the raw facts that slipped through his mentors lips soothe the doubt inside his chest. When it came to Harry, he had no room left inside him for questioning or ulterior motives in their professional life, Harry was NOT that kind of man. So, why would this be any different from their personal life?

"Harry, I'm asexual."

The moment the words slipped from his lips, Eggsy's heart sunk to his stomach like a stone. 

He was an idiot.  
He was a freak.  
And the person he loved the most just found out how much of a freak he was.  
Harry would hate him.  
Harry would reject him.  
He just wanted to run away.  
He shouldn't tell anyone.  
That's what his Mum said. Harry would laugh in his face.  
Harry just let go of his hand.  
Harry was going to leave him.  
He couldn't show his face again.  
The bed dipped beside him.  
He would have to leave Kingsmen  
Word would spread. Everyone would hate him.  
He was wrong.  
He was-

"Eggsy. Love. Open your eyes. Breathe."

A cool hand cupped the heat in young man's face, and Eggsy's eyes shot open and he gasped down lungfuls of air, not realising how shallow his breath had been. Through the stinging of his eyes he could see Harry above him, leaning over him, face filled with sorrow. He stroked Eggsy's chest in soothing circles, wiped away the hot tears that fell down his temples, smoothed back the hair from Eggsy's head, and kept him grounded until his love came back down.

"Harry-" Panting.

"Gary, breathe with my hand." Harry placed his hand firmly on the centre of his diaphragm. "In." He drew his hand up, watching with a satisfied smile as Eggsy took a deep breath, with chest chasing Harry's hand. "Out." He lowered his hand back down, and Eggsy's chest sunk back down. "In... and out."

This continued for a little while, and Eggsy's brain slowly quietened, sinking back into merciful static. When Harry seemed satisfied, his placed a hand on Eggsy's shoulder.

"I am truly sorry for all those who hurt you, and in turn made you think that I would do anything but welcome you, for any differences that you have." He settled himself more comfortably on the bed and trailed his hand to Eggsy's cheek. "I am not asexual myself, so I do not know the depth of how you feel but when I tell you this, know that I am telling the complete truth, please?" 

Eggsy couldn't speak, even if he wanted to. He simply nodded his head.

"I have always had a sex drive, less than normal and more inclined to solo pleasures than to any person. I have never met someone that I burned for until I met you, Eggsy. But this is not your fault. So you should not concern yourself with the matter. 

That being said. I value your heart and your soul for miles above sexual pleasures. I am a grown man, and certainly do not need sexual release in order to survive. Romantic relationships can thrive without sex, as long as I know what our boundaries are, and how I will cope with any urges that do arise."

There were heartbeats between them, before Eggsy opened his mouth from his stunned silence.

"So... 'Arry, you mean that you love me even though we can't... that you don't care that we can't... you don't think its selfish of me-"

"I LOVE you, Gary Unwin, and I hold your heart miles above in regards to pleasures of the flesh. You do not think its selfish of me not being able to see out of my other eye. So why would I be angry about you not being able to do something that you physically can't?"

Eggsy's lips seemed to open and close, trying to think of an argument but it just wouldn't come. He imagined his brain spluttering like a worn out motor, and it all just came to a stop. A smile broke out over his face and he just beamed, and Harry swear he could feel sunlight shining on his face.

Much to Harry's dismay, he shuffled over in the bed, suppressing groans from his aching ribs.

"We can cuddle, right Harry?"

"Eggsy, don't you think your ribs-"

"Harry Hart, get in this damn bed or I'll have to pull you in myself, alright?"

It took a while, to rearrange blankets and pillows and IV lines and Eggsy's sore ribs but they managed, and when they finally settled down, Eggsy felt at peace, and it was almost too much for Harry to keep his heart from singing.

Eggsy pressed against the older man's chest, listening to the steady pounding of Harry's heart underneath his ear, he breathed in clean soap and closed his eyes.

"There are times I'm gonna be unsure, you know? Not about how much I love you, but just about how you're doin', and how worthy I feel, you know? But can talk specifics later, yeah?"

"Of course." Harry's voice was a deep rumble in his chest and in the dark. "As magnificent as I think I am, I wouldn't stretch that to fixing anxieties with a single speech." Eggsy laughed, running his fingers through the hair upon Harry's chest. "But that is why I am here, to love you, and to help you, and to do my best to comfort you when I can."

"I don't deserve you, Harry Hart."

"Yes you do, my love, we deserve each other."

The smile on Harry's face matched perfectly to Eggsy's smile, soft lips pressed into his skin.

  
  
  
  



End file.
